I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
