she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
