I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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