thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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