He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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