I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can you bring me the toilet please
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
