dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
