so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize