my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
