I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
