i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
