What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
