We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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