i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
