i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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