Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
