Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im six kinds of drunk right now
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Someone came in the potted fern
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
