So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
