i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
