Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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