Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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