I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
cat food counts as protein by the way
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
