Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
