Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
