I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
