Just fell off a train. Bad.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
