Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
