i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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