When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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