Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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