Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
