Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
