I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
