Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
