so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
