i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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