I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
