he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
