Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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