I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A+ Viking dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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