I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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