I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
