He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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