Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my shit smells like andre
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize