FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
