Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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