Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i think i just lost a toe
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
