I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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