Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
