You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
