dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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