I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
