my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
