Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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