Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
