dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
