Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
