can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
