She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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