I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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