so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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