i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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