Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
