Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
