Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
