i don't like sucking hair
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
