The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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