Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
