it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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