Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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