I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
