Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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